yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
