Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
