i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
