Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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