if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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