hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My ass is underappreciated
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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