Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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