my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
