i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
