just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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