The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
