I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
