Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
