FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
