Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
