im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
