You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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