maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
