Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
