Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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