when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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