Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
