I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We have started to decorate penises.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
