what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
