I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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