Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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