I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
