Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
operation harelip BJ is a go
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
