Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
