Just fell off a train. Bad.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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