Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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