Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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