i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
