i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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