Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
