So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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