dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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