i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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