You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize