if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
