I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize