peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There r osticjed everywhere
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
