Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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