I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
