I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
