Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
