he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
