I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
