Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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