Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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