I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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