I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
