He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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