Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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