if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize