Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
