Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
