On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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