I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
