At least make sure they are 18
Why
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
