i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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