forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh god it's open bar.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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