it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
