The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
