STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
