No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
