dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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