oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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