my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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