ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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